Blah

Am I satisfied?It's the question I keep posing myself...

Well, bluntly my answer is "no".

I can't stop wondering: Do I say that because that's the answer that I should be thinking?

Sometimes my mind wanders and I think of how exciting it would be starting my life with someone new... but then reality sets in. Sharing my life with someone new will most likely result to where my life is now, even if it doesn't, I'd be so affraid to ever commit like I've done in the past that i would never get married again, so I guess I can kiss my so called "white picked fence" dreams out the fucking door!

...

Is THAT why I'm unsatisfied? Because my dreams have been completly destroyed? Or does it have anything to do with her not being here anymore? What was she able to bring the table that allowed me to be satisfied?

All these questions and I seriously have no answer to them. I think what is keeping me sane is that in the back of my mind i feel like I'm on a mission somewhere and that I'll be meeting up with her once my duties are accomplished. Just like things will be back to "normal" with her, maybe not soon, but eventually

(Pathetic, i know)

You know what I don't like?I don't like the fact that she might not be missing me at all. After all we've been through she was able to brush it all away with a measly 6 months.
If I ever see that asshole that decided to start all this... I really hope I lose my cool and hit him or something. I'm sure she would think that would be the stupidest thing for me to do, but he deserves it! Wtf, what kind of guy moves on a married girl? A real fucked up guy, that's who.
But knowing myself I would probably do nothing. 'cuz I'm the kind of guy who too affraid to get myself into trouble. There's a part of me, I tell ya, that just want punch the shit out of him for ruining my, and her life.

Ok well I'm tired. Going to bed madder than I had hope to be.