Increased confusion

"She's not coming back, she's not coming back, she's not coming back..." I'm repeating these words over and over in my head as if I'm trying to convince myself of something I didn't already know.

But what does that mean - "She's not coming back"? That I have to forget about her? That I have to move on?

She and I had a long conversation yesterday, and she doesn't understand how I can still be so nice towards her even after all she's done to me. Maybe I'm just in denial (and I don't think I am - then again that's what being in denial is, right?).

Truth is I don't know why I'm still nice to her... Maybe cuz we still share a lot? And I wouldn't want all this to end in worst terms than they already are?

I think I gotta change my life, dramatically! Dramatically enough to forget her, the house, the dog and the life we had built together.

I've applied for a few jobs lately and hopefully I'll get one of them and start forgetting!