Facebook...

So i've finally decided to join the facebook fad.

Kinda upsetting though, a good handful of people i used to know from way back are or are getting all married. I guess it's understandable since we were all the same age group, and 25-29 yrs seems to be the popular ages to get married now-a-days.

Part of me just want to warn them... warn them about the possibilities that even though they are sure of what their getting in to - they can never be entirely sure of what their partners will think/feel in 2yrs from now. But I know saying that would just be completely impolite, and kinda like I would be putting a hex on them or something.... so for now, i'll hold my tongue.

I do wish them all the best though! (and that's the truth) I would never hope what i’m going through on any of them! Even the ones i don't like, hahaha.

This facebook thing is way to addictive though, i've been checking my "friend status" at least once an hour and it's irritating me how much i'm caught up in it!

I did however did get to chat a bit with a girl I went to elementary with over 20yrs ago! it's crazy, cuz I remember having a secret crush on her and when I moved from my hometown in 1987 I was determined that i'd be back to marry that girl... hahaha, I was but a little 1st grader then... funny huh?

Well, from what i can see on her 'profile site' she recently got married and she tells me that she remembers me. which blows my mind... 20yrs ago! I don't think I know the guy she's married to, but in the pictures, she looks happy - and that's cool.

As you can tell my blog is much more light hearted today, and it kinda feels good to write a little when i'm not mad. I guess the reasons for my last blogs was cuz I had something on my heart that needed to be voiced (or blog'd). Today, i think i'm procrastinating from finishing my front entrance renovations... hehehe.

Well I guess i better check my Facebook once more and actually get some more work on those stairs.

later.

Blah - part 3

Ok today, I promiss to keep my cool and I'll make it short cuz I'm tired!

Actually the thoughts running through my head right now make it seem like this entry will be a little to long, so I better just call it a night and I'll be back a later date!

(I knew it'd be short, heh?)

Blah - part 2

Alright, so maybe I've calm'd down a little since the other day but that's just because I've been ignoring the whole situation since then. and the more I'm typing this message the more of that day's emotions seem to be crawlin' back up

.....

It really pisses me off that she expect that once this marriage is off she still wants to remain friends. Ya right! Why would I even want to be in the same room as the person that promised me their complete love and devotion then, one day out of the fucking blue, decided to suck the life out of my heart and soul, push it to the ground and stomp on it till it's nicely bruised beyon repair, just for fun? Oh ya, we'd be great friend!

Seven years I've known this women.
Seven years we've been together.
You do realise what people go through in seven years together right?

And she just brushed it off like it was a piece of lint on her shoulder.

Oh, and another thing, after she was done tearing me apart she came up to me and told me she's moving out of the house we bought, and that I technicly owe her half of the sales profit when the house is sold. WTF!!!? And if I end up selling the house for less then we bought it for, do you get half the mother fucking dette? Bullshit.

We are married for fucksake! Let's just work this shit out! But no. She decided to take the easy way out for her. Damn! I'm mad at that!

I realise that I might be potrayin' a real hatefull image here, but I don't hate her, I'm far from it. I'm just mad. Mad that I've failed at this marriage. And mad that I was not enough to keep her happy. Realizing this gives me the saddest feeling I've ever felt.

Blah

Am I satisfied?It's the question I keep posing myself...

Well, bluntly my answer is "no".

I can't stop wondering: Do I say that because that's the answer that I should be thinking?

Sometimes my mind wanders and I think of how exciting it would be starting my life with someone new... but then reality sets in. Sharing my life with someone new will most likely result to where my life is now, even if it doesn't, I'd be so affraid to ever commit like I've done in the past that i would never get married again, so I guess I can kiss my so called "white picked fence" dreams out the fucking door!

...

Is THAT why I'm unsatisfied? Because my dreams have been completly destroyed? Or does it have anything to do with her not being here anymore? What was she able to bring the table that allowed me to be satisfied?

All these questions and I seriously have no answer to them. I think what is keeping me sane is that in the back of my mind i feel like I'm on a mission somewhere and that I'll be meeting up with her once my duties are accomplished. Just like things will be back to "normal" with her, maybe not soon, but eventually

(Pathetic, i know)

You know what I don't like?I don't like the fact that she might not be missing me at all. After all we've been through she was able to brush it all away with a measly 6 months.
If I ever see that asshole that decided to start all this... I really hope I lose my cool and hit him or something. I'm sure she would think that would be the stupidest thing for me to do, but he deserves it! Wtf, what kind of guy moves on a married girl? A real fucked up guy, that's who.
But knowing myself I would probably do nothing. 'cuz I'm the kind of guy who too affraid to get myself into trouble. There's a part of me, I tell ya, that just want punch the shit out of him for ruining my, and her life.

Ok well I'm tired. Going to bed madder than I had hope to be.

initial "yo!"

No one I know should be reading this.
I just decided to find a place i can hide and vent about my current situations.

I certainly hope i can entertain all at the same time, but unfortunatly I think I have more negative stuff to bring to the table theses days than the good stuff.

Let's see how it goes.... hopefully this will help me out figure stuff out.